Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
