Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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