remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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