im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
