there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
