bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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