oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
