The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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