I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
