So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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