New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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