I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
