Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
