I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
