Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
