I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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