Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
