I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
