I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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