i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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