Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
