btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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