Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
