So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
