remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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