I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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