I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
