im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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