I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
