this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
