Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
