it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my being single is dangerous.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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