he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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