brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
