The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
