So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
