She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
