He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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