the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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