Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't like sucking hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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