Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
