Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
