i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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