did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize