Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
