nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
