I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
