i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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