They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the condom got lost in my hair
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize