you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
