I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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