are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
