We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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