I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
