hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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