All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
