I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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