There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
