I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
