I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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