I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
