We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
