the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
