just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
