if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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