My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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