Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
