did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this hospital has no fireball
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
