my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
