There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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