Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
