i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
