I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
