new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
