Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come see our sink grown plant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
