so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
