He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
